...

Looking for end of the tunnel but as soon as it looks like the other end is near, fog clears up its hazy confusion and shows more of the tunnel ahead...

Still waiting for that light from the outside...

I just wish...

I just wish I could take all your pains and embrace all your fears. Because I do not want you to break down as it is like something tearing me apart - piece by piece, tear by tear. It has been tough going for someone who has been pillar of strength for others but don't you worry - things are going to get good very soon. For all that you do for me and others you love, God will be kind to you - sooner or later. Keep the hope and faith alive.

I just wish...

Sorry, No Walk, Man

A premature report in the newspaper today stating Sony's plan to stop production of their revolutionary Walkman cassette player in Japan, made me nostalgic about a similar device I had in my pre-teen years. Long before the days of portable multimedia devices, when the only portable device was a traditional radio (called 'transistor' in day-to-day language), having a Walkman was a cool thing to have. Who so ever knows about Sony and their history would surely agree that invention of Walkman was the best thing to happen to them and the history of personal entertainment and music industry. Introduced in 1979, it has till now sold more than 200 million units.

I remember that in late 80s, I was hooked onto Binaca Geet Mala - a weekly radio countdown show of top movie songs on Radio Ceylon. It was on my portable radio, that I used to listen to Ameen Sayani each week. Each Monday night, I would climb upstairs to my brother's room and would ask him to set the radio frequency to radio Ceylon. And then my brother bought a Walkman - not exactly the Sony one but a Philips one. A white bodied small little player, it was a huge thing to me. It was such a big craze for me to have that player tucked in my trousers and the headphones on my ear all the time. I used to listen to lots of songs and would love to show off to my friends.

Those were the days...

A hymn by Narsihn Mehta

Narsihn Mehta was a great Gujrati saint and a poet. Born somewhere in 15th century, he was a pioneer of Gujrati literature but little is known about his life and time. Most of his life has kind of become a folklore with several writers writing about it differently and then Bollywood making movie on it.

There are no manuscripts of his work but they were carried down orally across generations and were later put on paper first time (most probably due to non-availability of any earlier ones) somewhere in 17th century. "Vaishnav jan to" has nearly become a synonymous to his work due to its immense popularity.

वैष्णव जन तो तेने कहिये, जे पीड़ परायी जाने रे
पर दुखे उपकार करे तोये, मन अभिमान न आने रे

सकल लोक मान सुहाने वन्दे, निंदा ना करी केनी रे
वाच काछ मन निश्चल रखे, धन धन जननी तेनी रे

सम-दृष्टी ने तृष्णा त्यागी, परस्त्री जेने मात रे
जिह्वा थके, असत्य ना बोले, पर-धन नव झाले हाथ रे

मोह माया व्यापे नहीं जेने, दृढ वैराग्य जेना मन मा रे
राम नाम शु ताल रे लागी, सकल तीरथ तेना तन मा रे

वा ना लोभी ना कपट रहे रहित छे, काम क्रोध निवार्या रे
भने नारसैयो तेनो दर्शन करता, कुल एकोतर तरया रे


Rough English Translation

He is the true Vaishnav who knows and feels another's woes as his own.
While he serves those who are suffering, he does not entertain pride in his mind about it.

He respects everyone, and denounce nobody.
He keeps his speech, deeds, and thoughts pure; blessed is his mother.

Viewing all equally, he rids himself of covetousness, and reveres every woman as though she were his mother.
His tongue would fail him if he were to attempt to speak an untruth. He does not covet another person's wealth.

Material attachments do not occupy his mind, it being deeply rooted in renunciation.
Every moment he is intent on reciting the name of Rama. All the holy places are ever present in his body.

He has conquered greed, deceit, lust, and anger.
Says Narasi, the sight of such a Vaishnav saves a family through seventy-one generations.

Heal Thyself

Falling into a bottomless pit, its so hard to wake up since there is no shock involved - you just fall uninterrupted or sometimes you slide so slowly that you do not even know. You need to create a bottom for yourself, which is very hard, and it should be hard enough to stop your fall. But once you create your own end, no one is going to be there to help you rise again. You have to find your own help to come out. You have to heal thyself from the falling side-effects because thou hast only thyself to blame.

One Liner

While driving back to Delhi on a recent trip to Jaipur, read this one liner written behind a truck

बुरी नज़र वाले पाकिस्तान चला जा 

Although we all must have read more funnier (or strange) ones behind trucks but this was one was unique for me. Haven't read something like this till now - why the hell are we getting our neighbors into this. They have their own set of problems, so let them be alone. :)

Sometimes, I do think that people should do research on some of the things which are unexplained till now. One of them is the 'Origin and History of One Liners written behind Trucks'. I also wonder whether such a thing happens only in India or is this a phenomenon in other countries as well.

Power To Dream

Nearly everyone of us have dreams but only very few of us have the power to dream.

This power is not just limited to the dreaming realm only but it spills over to the reality - power to actually go for your dreams. That is the real 'power to dream'.

Sometimes, I wonder can this power be nurtured and developed? Just to think of it, was Mahatma Gandhi already possessing this power or did he developed it across the years? I think he did developed it. It also boils down to how strong is the dream.

So, if someone has a strong enough dream, it is most likely that the power to go for it would actually come in time.

Library Setup & Independence Day Celebrations @ Koshish

After several months of thinking what to buy, what not to buy and then buying the books, we were finally able to setup the library at KTC for Koshish kids. A team of volunteers joined us in setting up the library. It was a day before Independence day, and we were able to view the Independence day celebrations at Koshish school also.

All the kids were very much excited to have the volunteers there for their Independence day celebrations. And most of them had prepared special dance or songs for us.

Some pics from the day (courtesy VJ @ http://ripple4photography.blogspot.com/)

Creating a library setup

Urging the kids to read

A part of the library setup

The school

All geared up for spoon race

Look No Further

Look no further if I am thinking about negative thoughts. They are deep within me which keep coming back and back to haunt me. Each time they engulf me in their hazy darkness, I cannot see beyond them. They are like the soggy winter mornings so thick that golden sunlight cannot penetrate them. And then comes the act - Anger.

Anger is generated out of negative thoughts. It is the one which is ignited by the darkness of negativity. Surely the worst medium to use for coming out of negative thoughts but most often than not it is the easiest one. But choosing an easy route has its own rough side lanes - Hurt.

In the short run, one feels guilty that by anger you hurt someone. But the fact is that you are hurting yourself. You let yourself down - not in front of someone else but in front of yourself. It is like getting angry on a mirror.

Channelizing the anger is an art which is surely not my forte - but I have to give it one more try.

Do not

Change your character when everyone else around you is changing theirs...

Denying

The whole act of denying something is acceptance of the act in itself...

Nice Lyrics

नाम ग़ुम जायेगा, चेहरा ये बदल जायेगा
मेरी आवाज़ ही पहचान है ग़र याद रहे

वक़्त के सितम कम हसीं नहीं, आज हैं यहाँ कल कहीं नहीं
वक़्त के परे अगर मिल गए कहीं, मेरी आवाज़ ही पहचान है...

जो गुजर गयी कल की बात थी, उम्र तो नहीं एक रात थी
रात का सिरा अगर फिर मिले कहीं, मेरी आवाज़ ही पहचान है...

दिन ढले जहां रात पास हो, जिंदगी की लौं ऊँची कर चलो
याद आये ग़र कभी जी उदास हो, मेरी आवाज़ ही पहचान है...

The Stroytelling Problem

From Blink by Malcolm Gladwell

We have, as human beings, a storytelling problem. We're a bit too quick to come up with explanations for things we don't really have an explanation for.

Too good and so true.
Not sure about you all, but I surely have this explanation problem.

Why don't we often just say "I don't know"?

Doing The Right Thing

They say, we should always do the right thing - no matter in what state you are or in what circumstances you are. But it makes me wonder, is it really possible for someone who is not God, to always do the right thing day-in, day-out, 365 days a year, 7 days a week and 24 hours a day. Isn't this too much ideal - surreal?

Moreover, is it really possible for a human being to always correctly judge what is right and what is wrong all the time? Don't we all know that when pushed into a corner, into a tight spot, embroiled in bad times, we all human being have a tendency to think and act wrong. But there would still be people who would stand against the wind there - doing the right thing. But can they actually say that they were doing the right thing all the time. Not sure - maybe yes, maybe no.

Even when not pushed into any such situation, one should also ponder upon the fact that the parameters to define right and wrong change across the generations, ages, times, state of the mind and financial status. So, what is right for me in my teens could be wrong when I go beyond them. Also, who is going to define what is wrong and what is right. Are we, as human beings, developed enough to clearly define it? Aren't our definitions biased towards our likings.

But yes, we should always aim for "doing the right thing" at least from our own perspective. Now, that requires our perspective to be clear enough to gauge what is right and what is wrong. And that is the toughest part.

Koshish Technology Center

If the reader of this blog remembers, there was an earlier post on my first visit to Koshish in Sep' 09. Some updates in this post about the Koshish school and its kids.

One of the major thing has been conceptualization and establishment of a Koshish Technology Center, a computer oriented learning center as a joint effort of NIIT Affirmative Action and Home Of Hope, for Koshish kids. It just started with an idea and evolved as a computer based learning and development center.

Koshish Technology Center is established in Madanpur Khadar, near the Koshish school. It is a center open for all the kids of Koshish, where they can have hands on computers and learn english along other subjects in more technology oriented ways. The main goal behind setting this center is to get these kids exposed to technology to which they are otherwise not able to connect with and to help them excel in their studies and life.

The center is running for nearly 4 months now. It has a computer lab for kids and a audio-visual equipment equipped classroom for them as well. All the students visit the center twice a week to work on computers through the help of CBTs and to improve their studies.

 For most of the kids, experience of working on a computer is overwhelming. They enjoy just working on it and do not want to be asked to do anything else :). It is really wonderful to see these kids being so excited about computers.

The idea is not just to expose them to computers and learn faster, the idea is to mentor them in a way that they feel more confident interacting with the outside world which is still “outside” to them. The journey has just begun. There will be learning in all directions – from KTC to Koshish and vice versa. The focus will be more diversified for kids now apart from their regular studies and examination results. The diversity will bring more interest in them towards the real world. The vision is very broad as of now – from computer education to overall development, and all stake holders are tied up together to materialize this vision and help excel our kids in their life.

This is still a work in progress as lots needs to be done for these kids to come par with children from other strata of the society but this is surely going to help their confidence and make them more engaged in their studies.

Lunch Table Ramblings

Most of the times, we do not like some people just because we are in an inertia. The inertia is more about how we are and how the other person is. Basically, we do not want to change.

Now, having an inertia is not a bad thing. You could have inertia and over the time you could come out of it or you could just be inert.

Sometimes

Sometimes, when you try too hard, it is necessary to go back into hibernation in order to come back alive...

India

A country, where we still have draconian judgments from different forms of unconstitutional bodies like khaps. And where we still have people being killed for honor for marrying in same gotra or in lower/upper strata of society or in different religion or in different castes.

A country, where a girl or boy still does not have a right to marry whosoever she/he wants to, marry whenever she/he wants to or do not marry at all.

A country, where women upliftment is still confined to the parliament debates or 'to-be-broken' laws only. So, whenever we reserve a panchayat seat for women, we see their men using them as a shield to manage the show from behind. And those panchayats pass judgments for honor killings.

And someone said we are superpower in making...

Sahir Ludhianvi - One Of The Greatest Poet Ever

No doubt.

The most difficult thing for a poet is to come out of the traditional poetry things like beauty, god and liquor, and to write about the social ailments. But Sahir was a champion of that cause. At a time when the country was still hallucinating itself on the independence and the changes it had inspired in a decade, he wrote something like this in 'Pyasa' (filmed on Guru Dutt while he is passing through a red light area):-

ये कुचे, नीलाम घर दिलकशी के
ये लुटते हुए कारवां जिंदगी के
कहाँ हैं, कहाँ हैं, मुहाफ़िज़ खुदी के
जिन्हें नाज़ है हिंद पर, वो कहाँ हैं

How easy it could have been for Sahir to write about brighter future and prosperity for everyone after the independence but such was his writing style to raise bitter but sensitive issues all the time.

Unstable Thoughts

Sometimes, I think it is nice to have unstable thoughts since by having such thoughts you can challenge the thinking boundaries of your mind. And you will have an appetite to evolve.

As George Bernard Shaw said,  
"Reasonable people adapt themselves to the world. Unreasonable people attempt to adapt the world to themselves. All progress, therefore, depends on the unreasonable people."

Negativity

It is so easy to creep in but so hard to get it out...

And once it sets in, one stops looking beyond it...

Friendship vs Networking

In this new age world of Facebook(s), MySpace(s) and Twitter(s), sometimes, folks like me (who are very behind in all these tools) wonder what is the new age definition of friendship. Is this friendship or just plain networking? Networking is a term, which by its mere name, explains what it is all about.

For me there is a huge difference between networks and friends. Some of them are like
- I need not to be politically correct in front of a friend
- I will find it hard to stop myself from condemning a friend on a wrong doing
- I need not to mince my words or frame my sentences properly before a friend
- I can have a big fight with a friend and next moment forget it all to resume
- I will never feel ashamed to admit my mistakes in front of a friend
- I will never stop myself from sharing my joy or my sorrow/problem with a friend
- I will never feel like stopping myself from acting stupid in front of a friend
- I will be able to read the silence from a friend
- I will not try to read between the line when with a friend
- I will try very hard to contain my expectations from a friend and yet fail in containing them

I think I am old-fashioned or maybe ill-fashioned...

क्या बनोगे मुन्ना

We all must have heard this song at some time or other where a child is being asked what will he become when he grows up. Her mother wants him to be doctor and his father want him to be an engineer and so on...

When I think back at my childhood, I fail to remember what I wanted to become. Well, I never thought myself to be a software quality guy or anything related to software by any means. It is so strange that I have reached to wherever which I did not at all thought about. From childhood, I never knew where I want to be or what do I want to become. I was just running in the race not knowing the milestone or the final destination.

That is why when I am here, I feel that this is not the real destination.

And with such a not-so-actual destination achieved, my soul is still searching for "the real" destination.

And I am kind of lost...
Well actually I am still lost...

Joy And Sorrow - From "The Prophet" By Khalil Gibran

From one of the most read books of 20th century - The Prophet By Khalil Gibran.

Then a woman said, Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow. And
he answered: Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the
selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes
filled with your tears.

And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into
your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was
burned in the potter’s oven? And is not the lute that soothes
your spirit the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are Joyous, look deep into your heart and you
shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is
giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you
shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been
your delight.

Some of you say, ‘Joy is greater than sorrow,’ and others say,
‘Nay, sorrow is the greater.’ But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at
your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and
your joy.

Only when you are empty are you at stand still and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold
and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

To read more about Khalil Gibran, go to here
To download and read 'The Prophet' as ebook, go The Prophet eBook Site

Riya

Yesterday, I was thinking about how much my daughter has become the center of our lives. It is so hard to remember or recount the days before she was born. It looks like a time from previous life. Now it is so hard to imagine that there was a day when I used to enter a home without her running to hug me or give me a smile or asking whether I have got some candies for her. And the chatter-box she is, it is so hard to recall silence before her.

Due to her, I am able to experience so many emotions. I have never thought that there are so many emotions in me. I have always been a guy who did not use to express his emotions or feeling for someone easily. I know I am like that to some extent even now but due to her I have been able to learn to express my emotions more easily to people I care for in my life - whether my parents, my nephew, my nieces, my sister and several friends. It is so easy for her to show her emotions to me and express her love and this is what I try to learn from her. Her way of expressing is so simple and so effective. Most importantly, due to her, I have been able to understand my priorities in life.

She is now more than 3 years old. But that feeling of holding her in my arms first time still lingers with me. How does time fly?

Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening

Have always liked this poem. This poem, written by Robert Frost, was first published in a 1923 Pulitzer prize winning volume of poems titled 'New Hampshire'.

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Sometimes...

You just want the time clock to go in reverse so that you can go to a moment/phase in past and undo the things which you did wrong at that time.

Since most of the times you cannot turn clock backwards, you just keep on regretting about things. Some people say regretting about past things/actions is not a good thing - one should move on and blah blah... But I feel regretting is a way of reminding to yourself that you did something wrong. To have that guilt feeling burning in you keeps you on toes to not commit the same mistake again.

This is also necessary since some mistakes last for a lifetime.

Only if I could have...

The pause...

The pause is still there and not sure till when it is going to reside...